That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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