Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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