I should be sponsored by Trojan
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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