Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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