I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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