If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
