I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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