seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
