don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
