now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
