i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
