Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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