we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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