Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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