if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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