You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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