Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
