Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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