Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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