hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
