he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
