So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
