Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
