you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
