So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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