VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
