Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
