are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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