im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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