btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
