omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
thus making me awesome and them whores
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
