did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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