do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
