Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
