Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
