I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
