My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Couch. On fire.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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