forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
