You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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