Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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