this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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