I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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