1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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