so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
