Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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