Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
