who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i will never coherently bang her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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