Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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