Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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