i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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