just tell him i said nine months
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.