Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack