What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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