hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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