I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
