Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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