You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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