I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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