i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
