help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
