So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
