I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
