why didn't you poke me back
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
