Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
