I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
