apparently the secret to your success is patron
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
